In the 1984 Tina Turner released a song asking us this question. It stayed on the Billboard charts for several months, topping out at #1 in September of that year. This is a song that always perplexed me, because as a Christian, this one strikes an uneasy chord.
Tina’s song went so far as to label love a “second-hand emotion.” If I’m interpreting it correctly, this was a song that came from a place of being hurt in a romantic setting, and wanting to somehow separate love from other components of a relationship. Ms. Turner’s song was a cynical look at love and how it can be full of distress, turmoil, and disappointment. Obviously this song was very meaningful to her, and an expression of current or past experiences she had at the time.
In my “unconditional positive regard” Stephen Ministry mode, I’m inclined to listen intently to her message, not to pass judgment on the person, but hopefully to respond with empathy, while steering clear of the “second hand” mud pit she is clearly standing in.
The “mud pit”, in Stephen Ministry, is the place where we find people that we counsel (care receivers), that are experiencing a difficult time in their lives. We’re careful not to get so involved as to fall into the mud pit ourselves (over identification), while also staying involved/empathetic, and clinging to God as an anchor to pull them out with.
Basically, I’m time-warping and becoming Tina’s Stephen Minister.
Some Clear Signs of Pain
Ms. Turner had some incredibly difficult things to share with us. Here are some of the emotions she was free to express with her listening audience:
- “It’s only the thrill of boy meeting girl.”
- “It’s only physical/logical.”
- “Try to ignore that it means more than that.”
- “If I tend to look dazed… I’ve got cause to be.”
- “Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken?”
Wow! That’s a lot to unpack! Surely there is quite a bit of history behind what has brought her to this brokenness. Time to put on the Stephen Ministry “Tell Me More” toolbelt. If you’re not sure what a Stephen Minister even is, please feel free to visit https://stephenministries.org for more information on the Christ-centered care we provide.
Approaching with Empathy
Our role as Stephen Minister is always to listen, not overidentify, but also not to sit distracted on the sidelines. Clearly if someone’s heart was this broken, as to try to sever love from relationships altogether, we have a very deep-seated issue. We would be gently asking those open-ended questions that cause them to think, to evaluate their own situation, and ultimately to eventually share. We wouldn’t want to put Tina in a position where she feels defensive, and we most certainly don’t know her complete back story. We do have something to share with her though, and it is very encouraging indeed.
What God Has to Say to Tina (and Us)
God is very clear throughout His word that love is not only important to have in every relationship, but paramount. In fact, he compares loveless humans to a “clanging cymbal.” Clearly without love, we’re just making noise. 1 Corinthians 13, 4-7, goes on to say this well-known, often-used statement:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
It’s also clear that Tina hasn’t felt this. We may not know all of the details, but certainly she has not felt loved or honored, and has met with some unfortunate interactions that have potentially shaped the way she feels about the potential for love.
Tina’s Actual Stance
Now for the good news – This song was not Tina’s actual stance on love, and its role in our lives, as detailed in a 1984 interview about the song:
It appears she was appealing to her audience, though Tina did overcome a lot of adversity to get to a better place in life. Her marriage to Ike Turner was unfortunately a well-known powder keg, and may have indeed contributed to some of the statements made in the song.
It is encouraging, however, that at the end of the interview, she even says “love has everything to do with everything.” I couldn’t agree more. In spite of certain challenges she faced, her goal to make love a substantial part of her life was front and center.
As Christians, love needs to be woven into the very fabric of our lives as well. Jesus raised the bar on what love truly means, calling us to even love our enemies. Talk about a daunting challenge! For me, it continues to be a lifetime of learning and practice, and a constant focus and refocusing of myself on God’s Holy Word. Let’s let every month, not just February, be a month of God-like love. It’s not just for one day a year, but for a lifetime.
